I have no ideas left.

I am all out of energy.

I hope we still have synergy. 

Fireworks

Now it's day and I've been trying to get that taste off my tongue
I was dreaming of just you, now our cereal, it is warm
Attractive day in the rubble of the night from before
Now I can't walk in a vacuum, I feel ugly, feel my pores
It's the trees of this day that I do battle with for the light
Then I start to feel tragic, people greet me, I'm polite
"What's the day?" "Whats you doing?"
"How's your mood?" "How's that song?"
Man it passes right by me, it's behind me, now it's gone
And I can't lift you up cause my mind is tired
It's family beaches that I desire
A sacred night, where we'll watch the fireworks
The frightened babies poo
They've got two flashing eyes and they're colored why
They make me feel that I'm only all I see sometimes.

I've been eating with a good friend who said
"A Genii made me out of the earth's skin"
But in spite of her she is my birth kin, she spits me out in her surely blood rivers
All the people life lurking in dominions of a hot Turk dish
If elephants are reaching for our purses, then meet me after the world with the shivers.

"What's the day?" "Whats you doing?"
"How's your food?" "How's that song?"
Man it passes right by me it's behind me, now it's gone
I can't lift you up cause my mind is tired, it's family beaches that I desire
That sacred night where we watched the fireworks
They frightened the babies and you know they've got two flashing eyes
And if they are color blind, they make me feel, that you're only what I see sometimes.

My computer kept throwing up fluorescent everywhere. Now it won't even turn on. I don't have the money to fix it. I really don't mind except that I can't listen to music in my room.

Things are great though. I'm going to be an aunt again.

I feel weird not typing this on my own keyboard.


Goodbye.

I saw two shooting stars last night
I wished on them, but they were only satellites
Oh It's wrong to wish on space hardware
I wish, I wish, I wish you'd care

Inventing situations

"Damn that television ... what a bad picture!"
"Don't get upset, it's not a major disaster."
"There's nothing on tonight," he said, "I don't know
what's the matter!"
"Nothing's ever on", she said, "so ... I don't know
why you bother."

We've heard this little scene, we've heard it many times.
People fighting over little things, and wasting precious time.
They might be better off ... I think ... the way it seems to me.
Making up their own shows, which might be better than T.V.



Judy's in the bedroom, inventing situations.
Bob is on the street today, scouting up locations.
They've enlisted all their family.
They've enlisted all their friends.
It helped saved their relationship,
And made it work again ...

Their show gets real high ratings, they think they have a hit.
There might even be a spinoff, but they're not sure 'bout that.
If they ever watch T.V. again, it'd be too soon for them.
Bob never yells about the picture now, he's having
too much fun.


Judy's in the bedroom, inventing situations,
Bob is on the street today, he's scouting up locations.
They've enlisted all their family.
They've enlisted all their friends.
It helped save their relationship,
And made it work again ...

So think about this little scene; apply it to you life.
If your work isn't what you love, then something isn't right.
Just look at Bob and Judy; they're happy as can be,
Inventing situations, putting them on T.V.

I love crying. I hate the fact that I am sad so often, but at least when I cry by the time I'm done I feel better.

Autocare

The worst is when people say "I don't know what to tell you"

Maybe it's just the context my parents used to always say it to me in, but I fucking hate it.









propelled by faulty transmission.

Better days? no.

i hope that someone still loves you when my head starts spinning in circles strong as a tornado and my feet start stomping making splashing in the muddy mess. because i can never love (i always love. i love everyone. everything). i'll scream and kick and run and cry and feel trapped inside of my own body because that's the only place to feel safe (while not feeling safe at all). i'll hide myself inside of myself. inside of parts of the city youll rarely roam again. i'll still love you when i don't love you. is loving from an undercover secret distance hide-out better than no love at all? of course some other girl will love you. we all do. maybe you'll fall in love with her.

Call if off.

Little baby fucking scumbag shitface.

I really believe that I am in love for the first time. True, 100% nose over tail heart-aching love. It's the most bizarre thing.

Max spent a few days in Scranton and got to meet all my friends and it was really fucking great and they all really like him and think that we are great together. That totally freaks me out because typically they (along with myself) are just anticipating my departure. I spent New Years - Sunday @ Max's. New Years was wonderful. I ate a lot of glowsticks and got a lot of bruises and loving. Sarah and Tim came to Philadelphia for the weekend. It was all really great and stuff, but I'm just an emotional tornado and should probably kick my drinking habit.

I've been home for a little bit but I got really sick with a fever or something, but I'm feeling better now and I think I am going to Philadelphia tomorrow. I really hope so.

I sound like a fifteen year-old school girl. Gee whiz.

On to the escalators
Down on the elevators
Vagrants and wayfarers
Prime real estate to be homeless
Quality in quantity
In seemingly endless sunny
Sand filled hourglass of death

I keep wanting to write here, but when I try I can't think of what to say. Of course a lot has happened, but I can't chase the words down.

Game over

Today is a weird day.  I can't stop listening to Ozma.  Total little girl crush goodness.  I went on my parents PC and found a crazy amount of old photos of mine/ old music.  And I've come to the conclusion that my room is so full of junk that even when I don't live here I can still pass for living here.

Christmas was great.  Our holiday potluck got out of control due to John, George, and Robin, but that isn't surprising.  Family time was great.  I got a bunch of how-to books and the most comfortable pair of slippers.  Max is visiting Scranton Monday or Tuesday.  I'm going to Philadelphia for New Years.

A few weeks ago all I thought about was getting drunk and fucked up and now I don't even really care.  I'm on new medicine.  So far, so good.

Oh hey 7th grade !!

I am really fucking sad. 

again.

Coordinates

I finished my book BAD HABITS.  I love how it turned out.

I'm so glad I met Max.  I love everything about him.  He is fucking beautiful.  We exchanged gifts last night.  I made him a pocket size book with the word "ideas" embossed on the cover for times when a light bulb pops into his head.  I really should have taken a photo of it.  He got me green olives, an ugly doll (!!!), and is sharing with me some of his writing.  Fucking fantastic gifts.  The best i've ever received from a boyfriend.  He left for Syracuse today and I miss him already.  That says miles.

Everyone is gone from Philadelphia.  I leave tomorrow.  Tonight I am working on some book jawnz and watching Freaks.  I am loving it.  I am more than excited for our holiday pot luck on Sunday.  and just to see everyone.  My grades are coming back and they aren't as bad as I was anticipating. No Cs yet !

I really hate my psychiatrist so I am trying to find a new one.  Today I saw Heather and we talked about my fear of men and doctors in general.  She said it is so hard to treat me because I am so resistant to the people telling me what to do.  As well as medicine.  I have a new prescription because Lexapro killed me, but I don't plan on filling it.

I can't wait to wake up to Max again.

It is finally snowing in Philadelphia.  It is the most pleasant to watch it fall while doing my work and drinking coffee.

It snowed one other time.  Everyone from Scranton was in Philadelphia and we walked around the city as it fell from the sky and it was beautiful.  Especially being with people I love.  We sipped hot chocolate and kept warm in a cafe.  

Then we got drunk.

Beautiful.

Cocaine and soda, playing Tetris in our underwear. 
We take turns reading letters, I read the haiku and you move your nails across my legs. 
In your arms, I don't know who I am, 

taking all I know about nihilism and trying to build it into a life. 
With your thought in mind, I walk the streets down to the shore and I sink into the Pacific. 
This is everything up to now ending. 
It was nice to believe for a while.